Discovery

To many of my friends whom I have know from different chapters of my life, I would like to say "Thank You" for having a friend like you.

My discovery of my illness came as an accidental discovery. I went to the hospital, with the intention to see the specialist for an endoscopy, but end up with a lot more horrow. Perhaps I should be thankful that I got an earlier appointment to see the doctor on 24 Sep, instead of the original date of 2 Dec and I am also thankful that the doctor had ordered me to do an ultrasound (with the intention of checking for gall bladder stone), which began as the start of a lot of other tests that I had gone through.

On the midnight morning of my ultrasound checkup, my mum complained of chest pain and we rushed her to the hospital. My mum just had a heart attack in late August and was diagnosed that she had her major blockages in her 3 main arteries. Bypass was recommended, but given my mum's age and her health conditions (she has stroke for 10 years and diabetes for 20-30 years), we felt that the risks are too high for her and opted for oral medication. Also, she is showing some signs of dementia and her body checkup shows that some part of her body has 60% blockages (which means she could get antoher stroke again).

While I admitted my mum in the hospital for more checks, I had proceeded with the ultrasound checkup half asleep. I realised that the radiologists were frowning and asked what's wrong. She told me that there was some mass on my liver but need more tests to confirm. The following week, the doctor called me up and ordered me to do a CT scan. When the results were out, I think the doctor is certain that I have cancer, but he is not sure if the liver cancer is the primary or secondary site. So, I was ordered to go for endoscopy to check on my stomach and intestine. Luckily, the results were cleared. So, I thought, maybe it is just the liver and it is at the early stage where it can be cut and I will be ok.

I was advised to do liver biopsy, and so, admitted into the hospital for the procedure. A week later, the report came out and I was confirmed to have cancer from the bile duct. The doctor refused to tell me the staging and just said that it was extensive and I should see the oncologist to explain to me. Thanks to her, she has recommended a senior oncologist to look after me.

At the moment, I still can't believe what is happening to me. I have no symptoms and technically, I should be considered low risk, since I don't drink and smoke or eat unhealthily. My only sin is probably lack of exercise. I cried in front of my boss when I told her the news and she tried her best to comfort me.

Went to see the oncologist on 21 Oct. He is the 2nd oncologist whom I have seen, but both are unable to explain why I have such a rare cancer. I did another PET scan to check on my status, and the report confirm what has been confirmed that it is bile duct cancer. I never know where is bile duct and did my research on the net to check which part of my body it is.

Did my first chemo on 24 Oct, which is exactly 1 month from when I first went to the hospital for checkup. Luckliy, the combination of the chemo drugs have very little side effects on me, except fatigue.

On the morning of my birthday, I received a call from my siblings that my mum had passed away in the hospital , due to heart failure. I was devastated. I keep thinking that my mum gave mum to me exactly 35 years ago and she left on the same day. Perhaps she is trying to lighten my worries, as she is one of my concerns should I leave before her.

During this period, I relinquish many past friendships that kind of fade away, as each of us got busy with our own schedules. But I felt blessed that friends start calling me locally and overseas, visiting me at home or sending me flowers to cheer me up. As I have told some of my friends, I felt blessed to be with loving family members and caring friends. Even if I have to go, I feel that I have family and freinds who will still remember that there is such a person called Ai Bee.

My only concern are my twin girl and boy, who are just 7 years old. They still don't know the full implications, but I have told them that mum will be at home, fighting some disease and I must win the battle. I have asked them to tell me daily to be strong.

I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying daily for strength to see myself through this difficult period. The next hurdle is on 14 Nov, which I will have my tumor marker checked. Hopefully, it shows decline, so that means that I am responding to the chemo drug.