1 December, Monday
Didn't realise that it has been a week since I last wrote on the blog. So the readers out there must have been wondering what I have been up to.
Last week was spent in family events. Fun time always pass very quickly.
On last Tuesday, we went to East Coast Park. Kids, hubby and mother in law cycled. Since, I can't cycle, I just enjoy the breeze. Good thing we went on a weekday. It is not so crowded. Poor Angeline fell down from her bicycle and she had a slight abrasion on her knee. Of course, she was crying and daddy insisted that she had to ride the bicycle back to the rest point. Alvin rode ahead to tell us about Angeline's fall. I walked with him to look for Angeline and daddy. She was so glad to see me. We got Alvin to ride her bicycle with daddy, and Angeline had a slow walk with me. She told me that I should buy her the knee and elbow guards, so that if she falls, she will not get hurt. I will remember to buy that for her next time.
To make her happy, I told her that she could buy food that she liked and we went to the HK Cha Chang Ten in the vicinity. Waity very long for the food. Angeline liked it so much that we went back there for dinner. After dinner, we drove past Orchard Road to see the Christmas lighting.
On Thursday, we went to Paragon to have lunch at Thai Express. Met Puay Ai at the restaurant. She had not seen the kids for ages. Angeline wanted Tom Yam glass noodle and I said I would share with her. After ordering, then I realised that Angeline may not be able to take the spice. When the food was served, I also realised that glass noodle is tanghoon. I actually wants to stick noodles. Got them to change with no fuss. Their service is quite good. After lunch, run some errands and brought the kids to Borders to buy books. Their first trip to Borders. By evening time (actually only 5pm+), my energy level dropped and we headed home.
Weekend is the long look forward by the kids for the chalet there. Before we went to the chalet, we had to make a trip to KK Hospital for the kids annual review by the padi (don't know how to spell in full, but you know lah, kids doc) for the annual development review. Angeline cleared with ease, But Alvin has to go back there for appointments with other docs for his skin allergy and attention problems.
By the time we reached Downtown East, kids can't wait to rush to Wild Wild Wet (the water theme park) with daddy, grandmother, cousin and aunt. I skipped the pool as I didn't want to catch any unknown germs or bacterias from the pool. Know my own limit. My body may not fight them. So, no point risking it, right?
Played mahjong for 2 days. Won on first day, but luck ran out on the 2nd night. There was also some Madagascar performance at the foyer area. When the MC asked for 3 volunteers to dance, Alvin was selected. The first chubby boy gave a so-so performance, but the 2nd contestant was really good. He has the good look, dress well and dance like a dancer. When the MC asked Alvin if he could beat the other 2 contestants, he said "Yes" confidently. He got the steps right to the music of "Move it", but his moves were very funny. When it was the results time, it was a tough fight between Alvin and the 2nd boy. We cheered very loudly for him and the MC announced Alvin was the winner. Hooray! He was so happy.
When it's time to go back, Angeline was upset that the holidays were over and she had to head back to books. I told her she actually still have 1 month of school holidays. This silly girl. I guess she missed the fun time that we had as an extended family. This was the first time that we had all gathered together since my mum passing.
We had my grandneice (Yes, I am a grandaunt already and she is older than my kids) to stay over on Sunday. Kids were happy to have another playmate. My sis bought the kids some toys. Obviously they were happy, 'cos I am usually quite strict with them on buying toys and restrict it to special occasion as I don't want to spoil them and think that they can always buy what they want.
Now, I have to work on getting myself in form, so that I will get to enjoy more of such family fun time together. I have not set any target for myself, but I hope that I will continue to achieve the same set, if not better results than my first cycle. My chinese sinseh has warned me that the tumor marker may fluctuate. The real real test will be after the 3rd cycle, when I will undergo the PET scan, which is a more detailed test to check the location of the active cancer cells. Praying very hard that I will get to see improved results by then. That would be my best Christmas present.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Rest week
25 November, Tuesday
This week is my rest week. So, no chemo for this week. Hooray! Will know the results on 6 Dec, when I will be back to the hospital. Tumor marker will be checked again. Pray very hard it will continue to produce good results as the previous cycle.
The whole family will be spending this weekend at Downtown East chalet. The original intention was for us to spend more time with my mum, as for the last 2 years, when my sis had a chalet there, my family (me & kids) don't stay overnight there. So, we thought this year will be a good opportunity to do that when we will have 2 rooms. Unfortunately, mum is no longer around to enjoy this. But she will always remain in our heart.
This will also be the only away from home break (except 2 hotel stays that we had this year) for the kids, as the holiday trip for December will now have to be postponed due to my chemo treatmen for it. Sorry, kids. As I am typing this, Angeline is a little upset. I promise her that I will make up for it when I recover from the treatment. As for Alvin, he is easy with anything. He just want to stay in hotel, where he will be served like a KING.
This week is my rest week. So, no chemo for this week. Hooray! Will know the results on 6 Dec, when I will be back to the hospital. Tumor marker will be checked again. Pray very hard it will continue to produce good results as the previous cycle.
The whole family will be spending this weekend at Downtown East chalet. The original intention was for us to spend more time with my mum, as for the last 2 years, when my sis had a chalet there, my family (me & kids) don't stay overnight there. So, we thought this year will be a good opportunity to do that when we will have 2 rooms. Unfortunately, mum is no longer around to enjoy this. But she will always remain in our heart.
This will also be the only away from home break (except 2 hotel stays that we had this year) for the kids, as the holiday trip for December will now have to be postponed due to my chemo treatmen for it. Sorry, kids. As I am typing this, Angeline is a little upset. I promise her that I will make up for it when I recover from the treatment. As for Alvin, he is easy with anything. He just want to stay in hotel, where he will be served like a KING.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Cycle 2
21 November 2008, Friday
Went for the 2nd dosage of chemo for the 2nd cycle. Blood test on my blood count shows good sign, despite the fever and the sore throat that I had on Sunday & Monday. Couldn't sleep well last night, not sure why. Maybe because subconsciously I am telling myself that I need to wake up by 6.30am for my chemo treatment. By the time I reach home at 11am+, I was dead tired. Manage to catch 2 naps today to re-charge, something which I had not been doing for the last 2 days.
Been sneezing a few times today. Not sure if it is an onset of a flu coming. Come to think about it. I seem to have the same symptoms in the previous cycle. Throat infection in the first week and itchy nose on the 1st cycle. Same thing is happening now. MY hubby says that this is ok. Since the last cycle worked so well for me, that's why I am getting the same symptoms.
Recently, I am also on egg white diet. My chinese sinseh said that my protein level is just passed. So, need to take more egg white to boost the protein. I have been on 4 -5 egg white for the last few days. Luckily I have no phobia for eggs. But still to eat so much eggs a day, I think I am going to be an egg one day.
Went for the 2nd dosage of chemo for the 2nd cycle. Blood test on my blood count shows good sign, despite the fever and the sore throat that I had on Sunday & Monday. Couldn't sleep well last night, not sure why. Maybe because subconsciously I am telling myself that I need to wake up by 6.30am for my chemo treatment. By the time I reach home at 11am+, I was dead tired. Manage to catch 2 naps today to re-charge, something which I had not been doing for the last 2 days.
Been sneezing a few times today. Not sure if it is an onset of a flu coming. Come to think about it. I seem to have the same symptoms in the previous cycle. Throat infection in the first week and itchy nose on the 1st cycle. Same thing is happening now. MY hubby says that this is ok. Since the last cycle worked so well for me, that's why I am getting the same symptoms.
Recently, I am also on egg white diet. My chinese sinseh said that my protein level is just passed. So, need to take more egg white to boost the protein. I have been on 4 -5 egg white for the last few days. Luckily I have no phobia for eggs. But still to eat so much eggs a day, I think I am going to be an egg one day.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Fighter
20 November, Thursday
Thankfully I only have fever on 1 day and the sore throat goes away after Monday. I realised that actually cancer is such a common illness nowadays that it seems someone I know will have a relative or friend/colleague who is also having cancer. Cancer is not a death sentence. As you would have followed comments from my friends, there are many survivors out there. I am sure I will be one of them.
For those of you who have not have bought your own H&S and critical illness insurance policies, I think you should get one yourself, instead of relying on the insurance coverage from your employer. Trust me, it is never going to be enough for the medical costs that you need to pay. I am not selling insurance here (since I don't get any commission out of this), but I think it is the least bit that you can do for yourself & your family members.
Over the weekend, I read an newspaper article about a young female teacher, 28 years old and passed away due to cancer. She broke off from her boyfriend, for fear of giving him extra burden. Not sure if this is a wise decision that she has chosen. In time of crisis, I think we need to feel the love of our family members and friends to boost our morale and lift the spirits.
Thankfully I only have fever on 1 day and the sore throat goes away after Monday. I realised that actually cancer is such a common illness nowadays that it seems someone I know will have a relative or friend/colleague who is also having cancer. Cancer is not a death sentence. As you would have followed comments from my friends, there are many survivors out there. I am sure I will be one of them.
For those of you who have not have bought your own H&S and critical illness insurance policies, I think you should get one yourself, instead of relying on the insurance coverage from your employer. Trust me, it is never going to be enough for the medical costs that you need to pay. I am not selling insurance here (since I don't get any commission out of this), but I think it is the least bit that you can do for yourself & your family members.
Over the weekend, I read an newspaper article about a young female teacher, 28 years old and passed away due to cancer. She broke off from her boyfriend, for fear of giving him extra burden. Not sure if this is a wise decision that she has chosen. In time of crisis, I think we need to feel the love of our family members and friends to boost our morale and lift the spirits.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Scare
18 November 2008, Tuesday
Got a scare 2 days ago. After finishing my blog on Sunday, I went to rest. Realising that I was feeling warm, I measured my temperature. True enough, I was having fever. Everybody got startled in the family. I took paracetamol. My husband placed the cool bandage on my forehead (those that you use for kids when they have fever), and my mother-in-law prepares more "Ling Yang".
The fever continues to hover between 37.3 degree to 38 degree. I felt very lethargic for the whole day. My hubby also said that I was not my usual self, which I felt it too. I really felt lousy, but I kept telling myself that I will fight and win.
Thankfully, the fever subsides by Monday. Although I still feel tired, but at least no more fever. Thank God!
I received a call yesterday from an ex-colleague. Had not touch base with her since I left my ex-company (that's like > 6 years ago). I am guilty of that for not connecting with people. She called me up after she heard about my condition to give me encouragement. Many thanks to all of you out there. As I told a girlfriend of mine, I cannot control whether I can be healthy or not, but I promise to maintain the positive attitude that I will fight and win.
A good friend of us is visiting me today from Shanghai. Really touched by her gesture, and of course to her husband for kindly t-loan her to us for one week.
Got a scare 2 days ago. After finishing my blog on Sunday, I went to rest. Realising that I was feeling warm, I measured my temperature. True enough, I was having fever. Everybody got startled in the family. I took paracetamol. My husband placed the cool bandage on my forehead (those that you use for kids when they have fever), and my mother-in-law prepares more "Ling Yang".
The fever continues to hover between 37.3 degree to 38 degree. I felt very lethargic for the whole day. My hubby also said that I was not my usual self, which I felt it too. I really felt lousy, but I kept telling myself that I will fight and win.
Thankfully, the fever subsides by Monday. Although I still feel tired, but at least no more fever. Thank God!
I received a call yesterday from an ex-colleague. Had not touch base with her since I left my ex-company (that's like > 6 years ago). I am guilty of that for not connecting with people. She called me up after she heard about my condition to give me encouragement. Many thanks to all of you out there. As I told a girlfriend of mine, I cannot control whether I can be healthy or not, but I promise to maintain the positive attitude that I will fight and win.
A good friend of us is visiting me today from Shanghai. Really touched by her gesture, and of course to her husband for kindly t-loan her to us for one week.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Personal Assistant
16 November, Sunday
Many thanks again for all the well wishes. I can never thank enough. :-)
My daughter, Angeline, has also become very sweet during this period. For the last 2 nights, she had been applying foot cream for my dry feet and would take any bedside orders. I have named her my Personal Assistant.
Has been tired after the chemo session. For once, I slept through the night from 11pm+ to 6am+. Fell asleep again after light breakfast. I think I might going to have a slight fever. Has been drowning myself with "Ling Yang". Will have to speak to my Chinese sinseh about it. Nonetheless, there is another good news. My weight has stablised and sometimes it inches up. That's a good sign that I'm not in a wasting stage (meaning that I am not losing weight like I used to before I started the chemo treatment and at the initial stage of the chemo treatment).
Going for my siesta time!
Many thanks again for all the well wishes. I can never thank enough. :-)
My daughter, Angeline, has also become very sweet during this period. For the last 2 nights, she had been applying foot cream for my dry feet and would take any bedside orders. I have named her my Personal Assistant.
Has been tired after the chemo session. For once, I slept through the night from 11pm+ to 6am+. Fell asleep again after light breakfast. I think I might going to have a slight fever. Has been drowning myself with "Ling Yang". Will have to speak to my Chinese sinseh about it. Nonetheless, there is another good news. My weight has stablised and sometimes it inches up. That's a good sign that I'm not in a wasting stage (meaning that I am not losing weight like I used to before I started the chemo treatment and at the initial stage of the chemo treatment).
Going for my siesta time!
Friday, November 14, 2008
GREAT NEWS!
14 November 2008, Friday
Great news, and hot from the oven!
The tumor marker result was better than I expected. Before treatment, the reading was 884. Today reading was 335. A drop of >50%. Yipee!!!! I will continue to keep my spirit up and win this war with flying colours!
Many thanks to all friends out there who have been praying daily for me. Of course, I have also been praying myself, and Angeline comes in occasionally as guest prayer.
I met this gutsy lady, while waiting for my turn for chemo. She is probably in her 60s or 70s (I'm never good at telling people's age). She told me that she had a major colon surgery and is now into her 8th chemo treatment. She shares with me her daily potion (asparagus and lemongrass) and swears by it. She says that she usually goes for her chemo treatment alone, as she feels that it is a waste of her family member's time to sit through the waiting session (which can be as long as 2 hours) and her chemo session of 2 hours. Suddenly, it makes me feels like a weakling, that I always need my hubby to be with me for all sessions (regardless whether it is seeing the western or chinese doc, or for the chemo and lab test). Well, I just want the company, so that I won't be lonely and feel pathetic. Not too much to ask for it, right? But this lady besides me is so independent. Role model to look up to?
Great news, and hot from the oven!
The tumor marker result was better than I expected. Before treatment, the reading was 884. Today reading was 335. A drop of >50%. Yipee!!!! I will continue to keep my spirit up and win this war with flying colours!
Had a discussion with the oncologist today and asked about my shelf life. He told me that textbook answer would be 6 months, but that is based on bell curve concept. However, his opinion of me is that I should be on the upper end of the bell curve, given my current physique and age advantage. That sounds assuring. :-)
Many thanks to all friends out there who have been praying daily for me. Of course, I have also been praying myself, and Angeline comes in occasionally as guest prayer.
I met this gutsy lady, while waiting for my turn for chemo. She is probably in her 60s or 70s (I'm never good at telling people's age). She told me that she had a major colon surgery and is now into her 8th chemo treatment. She shares with me her daily potion (asparagus and lemongrass) and swears by it. She says that she usually goes for her chemo treatment alone, as she feels that it is a waste of her family member's time to sit through the waiting session (which can be as long as 2 hours) and her chemo session of 2 hours. Suddenly, it makes me feels like a weakling, that I always need my hubby to be with me for all sessions (regardless whether it is seeing the western or chinese doc, or for the chemo and lab test). Well, I just want the company, so that I won't be lonely and feel pathetic. Not too much to ask for it, right? But this lady besides me is so independent. Role model to look up to?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
A new me!
Thursday, 13 Nov
Realised that the date and time on the blog is not the actual time of my posting. Probably that is US time. Anyway, I shall date it so that there is proper sequencing.
I had my hair cut on Tuesday, after realising that I am dropping more hair than usual. So, for those who have not met me for a while. my hair length is now above shoulder, very much about the same length that I used to maintain after giving birth to my twins.
Read about Gerald Ee's health condition. Well, if he has a free liposuction, I am getting free slimming session from XXX salon (guess not good to mention any slimming centre, since nobody pays for my endorsement fee). I guess, if there are so many cancer survivors (get to know a friend of mine had gone through radiation and chemo, without anyone of us knowing about it) and I am in the midst of reading Lance Armstrong's book on his recovery route, I should also have a very good chance of going through the ordeal and be a stronger person in the process.
Tomorrow will see the results of first tumor marker, to see if I am responding well to the drug. I have said this many a times, so I guess it does show my anxiety. Nonetheless, I will still be facing this strongly, as my chinese sinseh had said that it may be premature to conclude if the drug is working after the 1st cycle.
My hubby is standing besides me and reading the blog as I am typing. Free massage too! :-) He has full confidence that the drug is working well on me, as he sees that I am very much my usual self (except occasional complaints of stomach bloatedness).
Brought my kids and mother-in-law out today to watch Madacascar. Really entertaining show for the family. Hubby complains that we have left him out. Sorry.
I guess to a certain extent, I am enjoying myself much better. Away from work stress and rushing into the MRT in the morning, spending time with my family (now I got time to coach my son on his languages since he has not performed well for his exam) and also for myself. Doing reading, watching TV serials, sleeping, praying. So, it is not such a bad episode after all.
And of course, many thanks to all the friends out there who are constantly praying for my recovery.
Realised that the date and time on the blog is not the actual time of my posting. Probably that is US time. Anyway, I shall date it so that there is proper sequencing.
I had my hair cut on Tuesday, after realising that I am dropping more hair than usual. So, for those who have not met me for a while. my hair length is now above shoulder, very much about the same length that I used to maintain after giving birth to my twins.
Read about Gerald Ee's health condition. Well, if he has a free liposuction, I am getting free slimming session from XXX salon (guess not good to mention any slimming centre, since nobody pays for my endorsement fee). I guess, if there are so many cancer survivors (get to know a friend of mine had gone through radiation and chemo, without anyone of us knowing about it) and I am in the midst of reading Lance Armstrong's book on his recovery route, I should also have a very good chance of going through the ordeal and be a stronger person in the process.
Tomorrow will see the results of first tumor marker, to see if I am responding well to the drug. I have said this many a times, so I guess it does show my anxiety. Nonetheless, I will still be facing this strongly, as my chinese sinseh had said that it may be premature to conclude if the drug is working after the 1st cycle.
My hubby is standing besides me and reading the blog as I am typing. Free massage too! :-) He has full confidence that the drug is working well on me, as he sees that I am very much my usual self (except occasional complaints of stomach bloatedness).
Brought my kids and mother-in-law out today to watch Madacascar. Really entertaining show for the family. Hubby complains that we have left him out. Sorry.
I guess to a certain extent, I am enjoying myself much better. Away from work stress and rushing into the MRT in the morning, spending time with my family (now I got time to coach my son on his languages since he has not performed well for his exam) and also for myself. Doing reading, watching TV serials, sleeping, praying. So, it is not such a bad episode after all.
And of course, many thanks to all the friends out there who are constantly praying for my recovery.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Hair Loss
As I start looking at the floor this morning, I realise that I am dropping more hair than usual. I ask my mother-in-law and she confirms it. Looks like I can activate my friend, who promises to buy me an adidas cap or wig, if I experience hair drop.
Still feeling the usual fatigue. Energy span last me only a few hours, before I need to sleep to recharge. I think the chemo is changing my sleeping and eating patterns. I can't sleep more than 4-5 hours (even at night) and always get hungry every 2-3 hours. Sounds like I am pregnant. Ha! Ha!
Today is my kids' last day of school. Will get more of their "nonsence" when they are home. I told my son that I want to brush up his Chinese, since he didn't fare well for his exam and he yelled "Ahhhhhhhhh!". My daughter is the other extreme. She asks what about her. Well, she did pretty well for her exam, except Maths which she had a few careless mistakes. Now, they are already asking me to get them presents if they fare within certain positions in school. This is so unlike my time, when life is tough and my first exam present from my mum, was after PSLE which I did decently well.
2 more days and I will know the first verdict if my body is responding well to the chemo drugs or not. Fingers crossed.
Still feeling the usual fatigue. Energy span last me only a few hours, before I need to sleep to recharge. I think the chemo is changing my sleeping and eating patterns. I can't sleep more than 4-5 hours (even at night) and always get hungry every 2-3 hours. Sounds like I am pregnant. Ha! Ha!
Today is my kids' last day of school. Will get more of their "nonsence" when they are home. I told my son that I want to brush up his Chinese, since he didn't fare well for his exam and he yelled "Ahhhhhhhhh!". My daughter is the other extreme. She asks what about her. Well, she did pretty well for her exam, except Maths which she had a few careless mistakes. Now, they are already asking me to get them presents if they fare within certain positions in school. This is so unlike my time, when life is tough and my first exam present from my mum, was after PSLE which I did decently well.
2 more days and I will know the first verdict if my body is responding well to the chemo drugs or not. Fingers crossed.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Discovery
To many of my friends whom I have know from different chapters of my life, I would like to say "Thank You" for having a friend like you.
My discovery of my illness came as an accidental discovery. I went to the hospital, with the intention to see the specialist for an endoscopy, but end up with a lot more horrow. Perhaps I should be thankful that I got an earlier appointment to see the doctor on 24 Sep, instead of the original date of 2 Dec and I am also thankful that the doctor had ordered me to do an ultrasound (with the intention of checking for gall bladder stone), which began as the start of a lot of other tests that I had gone through.
On the midnight morning of my ultrasound checkup, my mum complained of chest pain and we rushed her to the hospital. My mum just had a heart attack in late August and was diagnosed that she had her major blockages in her 3 main arteries. Bypass was recommended, but given my mum's age and her health conditions (she has stroke for 10 years and diabetes for 20-30 years), we felt that the risks are too high for her and opted for oral medication. Also, she is showing some signs of dementia and her body checkup shows that some part of her body has 60% blockages (which means she could get antoher stroke again).
While I admitted my mum in the hospital for more checks, I had proceeded with the ultrasound checkup half asleep. I realised that the radiologists were frowning and asked what's wrong. She told me that there was some mass on my liver but need more tests to confirm. The following week, the doctor called me up and ordered me to do a CT scan. When the results were out, I think the doctor is certain that I have cancer, but he is not sure if the liver cancer is the primary or secondary site. So, I was ordered to go for endoscopy to check on my stomach and intestine. Luckily, the results were cleared. So, I thought, maybe it is just the liver and it is at the early stage where it can be cut and I will be ok.
I was advised to do liver biopsy, and so, admitted into the hospital for the procedure. A week later, the report came out and I was confirmed to have cancer from the bile duct. The doctor refused to tell me the staging and just said that it was extensive and I should see the oncologist to explain to me. Thanks to her, she has recommended a senior oncologist to look after me.
At the moment, I still can't believe what is happening to me. I have no symptoms and technically, I should be considered low risk, since I don't drink and smoke or eat unhealthily. My only sin is probably lack of exercise. I cried in front of my boss when I told her the news and she tried her best to comfort me.
Went to see the oncologist on 21 Oct. He is the 2nd oncologist whom I have seen, but both are unable to explain why I have such a rare cancer. I did another PET scan to check on my status, and the report confirm what has been confirmed that it is bile duct cancer. I never know where is bile duct and did my research on the net to check which part of my body it is.
Did my first chemo on 24 Oct, which is exactly 1 month from when I first went to the hospital for checkup. Luckliy, the combination of the chemo drugs have very little side effects on me, except fatigue.
On the morning of my birthday, I received a call from my siblings that my mum had passed away in the hospital , due to heart failure. I was devastated. I keep thinking that my mum gave mum to me exactly 35 years ago and she left on the same day. Perhaps she is trying to lighten my worries, as she is one of my concerns should I leave before her.
During this period, I relinquish many past friendships that kind of fade away, as each of us got busy with our own schedules. But I felt blessed that friends start calling me locally and overseas, visiting me at home or sending me flowers to cheer me up. As I have told some of my friends, I felt blessed to be with loving family members and caring friends. Even if I have to go, I feel that I have family and freinds who will still remember that there is such a person called Ai Bee.
My only concern are my twin girl and boy, who are just 7 years old. They still don't know the full implications, but I have told them that mum will be at home, fighting some disease and I must win the battle. I have asked them to tell me daily to be strong.
I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying daily for strength to see myself through this difficult period. The next hurdle is on 14 Nov, which I will have my tumor marker checked. Hopefully, it shows decline, so that means that I am responding to the chemo drug.
My discovery of my illness came as an accidental discovery. I went to the hospital, with the intention to see the specialist for an endoscopy, but end up with a lot more horrow. Perhaps I should be thankful that I got an earlier appointment to see the doctor on 24 Sep, instead of the original date of 2 Dec and I am also thankful that the doctor had ordered me to do an ultrasound (with the intention of checking for gall bladder stone), which began as the start of a lot of other tests that I had gone through.
On the midnight morning of my ultrasound checkup, my mum complained of chest pain and we rushed her to the hospital. My mum just had a heart attack in late August and was diagnosed that she had her major blockages in her 3 main arteries. Bypass was recommended, but given my mum's age and her health conditions (she has stroke for 10 years and diabetes for 20-30 years), we felt that the risks are too high for her and opted for oral medication. Also, she is showing some signs of dementia and her body checkup shows that some part of her body has 60% blockages (which means she could get antoher stroke again).
While I admitted my mum in the hospital for more checks, I had proceeded with the ultrasound checkup half asleep. I realised that the radiologists were frowning and asked what's wrong. She told me that there was some mass on my liver but need more tests to confirm. The following week, the doctor called me up and ordered me to do a CT scan. When the results were out, I think the doctor is certain that I have cancer, but he is not sure if the liver cancer is the primary or secondary site. So, I was ordered to go for endoscopy to check on my stomach and intestine. Luckily, the results were cleared. So, I thought, maybe it is just the liver and it is at the early stage where it can be cut and I will be ok.
I was advised to do liver biopsy, and so, admitted into the hospital for the procedure. A week later, the report came out and I was confirmed to have cancer from the bile duct. The doctor refused to tell me the staging and just said that it was extensive and I should see the oncologist to explain to me. Thanks to her, she has recommended a senior oncologist to look after me.
At the moment, I still can't believe what is happening to me. I have no symptoms and technically, I should be considered low risk, since I don't drink and smoke or eat unhealthily. My only sin is probably lack of exercise. I cried in front of my boss when I told her the news and she tried her best to comfort me.
Went to see the oncologist on 21 Oct. He is the 2nd oncologist whom I have seen, but both are unable to explain why I have such a rare cancer. I did another PET scan to check on my status, and the report confirm what has been confirmed that it is bile duct cancer. I never know where is bile duct and did my research on the net to check which part of my body it is.
Did my first chemo on 24 Oct, which is exactly 1 month from when I first went to the hospital for checkup. Luckliy, the combination of the chemo drugs have very little side effects on me, except fatigue.
On the morning of my birthday, I received a call from my siblings that my mum had passed away in the hospital , due to heart failure. I was devastated. I keep thinking that my mum gave mum to me exactly 35 years ago and she left on the same day. Perhaps she is trying to lighten my worries, as she is one of my concerns should I leave before her.
During this period, I relinquish many past friendships that kind of fade away, as each of us got busy with our own schedules. But I felt blessed that friends start calling me locally and overseas, visiting me at home or sending me flowers to cheer me up. As I have told some of my friends, I felt blessed to be with loving family members and caring friends. Even if I have to go, I feel that I have family and freinds who will still remember that there is such a person called Ai Bee.
My only concern are my twin girl and boy, who are just 7 years old. They still don't know the full implications, but I have told them that mum will be at home, fighting some disease and I must win the battle. I have asked them to tell me daily to be strong.
I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying daily for strength to see myself through this difficult period. The next hurdle is on 14 Nov, which I will have my tumor marker checked. Hopefully, it shows decline, so that means that I am responding to the chemo drug.
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