31 December 2008, Wednesday
So many things have happened in this year. Challenges at work, father-in-law and my mum passsed away, the bank going through restructuring (right-sizing, whatever you call it, there will be nice people whom you have worked with leaving) and of course, the biggest discovery is about my illness.
Through this illness, I learn and discover a lot of things.
1. Money can't buy everything.
2. Rekindle many lost relationships. Many thanks to all the friends and relatives' well wishes and visits, despite their own busy schedule.
3. Spend more time with my kids, which I never use to have such luxury because of work commitments. As usual, they drive me nuts, but also brings me lots of laughter and sweetness when they are being nice to me, such as on nights that they put on body lotion for me.
4. There is always hope. Very important to stay positive.
5. Learn more in depth knowledge about my religion.
Although I have not been working for slightly more than 2 months, but my time has been spent fruitfully. My hubby says that I am still so busy as usual. Right, busy sleeping, medical appointments, watch DVDs, prayers, spending time with kids, yak on the phone, updating blog, etc... See, I am really busy.
Yesterday I went to visit the oncologist to review the CT scan result and the blood re-test. The CT scan showed that there is no new area of infected cells, which was a good news as he cautioned me that such cancer is usually aggressive and spreads quite quickly. At least, in my case, the situation is now under control and he thinks that I look very good externally. However, I asked him that it seems that the tumor marker has remained stagnant, hovering at low end of 300 (319), not much progress since the first cycle. For the present drugs, only 4% patients in the study are able to recover and 29% responded to the drug (meaning situation under control). So, I belong to the 29%.
We discussed about adding on new drug. But the new drug is costly $2,600 permonth (even on subsidised rate) and the effectiveness todate, based on a study of 42 patients, was only 7% of patients who responded to the drug. Hubby has also correctly pointed out that there is no study that investigate on the effectiveness of the current drug that I am using + the new drug. The new drug also has its sides effects, such as fatigueness, rashes on the skin (hubby says I need to do a faceoff, ha ha) and some other less known side effects such as diahorea. In the end, we decided to do the PET scan first and postpone the treatment for one week. The PET scan will be more effective to determine how active are the cancer cells in between treatments. So, PET scan on next Monday, see oncologist on Tuesday to review the results and start cycle 4 and see Chinese sinseh on Wednesday. At the very least, I get to enjoy the New Year holiday and will be going to relative's home to see firework.
So, looks like for the start of new year, my time will be spent on medical appointments and getting my kids on a more disciplined study schedule. I have set up a timetable for them and tell them since they have been too lax during the school holidays, need to get them into more serious work when the school starts. Call me kiasu, but Primary 2 work will be tougher than Primary 1, as Primary 1 is only a levelling for the whole cohort.
Happy New Year to one and all. Start a new year resolution and stick to it.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
23 December 2008, Tuesday
Yesterday morning I went for my CT scan and blood test at NCC. In the afternoon, I received a call from the hospital that my potassium level (which is related to heart) was too high. So, I need to go back to the hospital for re-test and do ECG. The doctor (initially I didn't know that I was speaking to a doctor as he did not identify himself) explained that the potassium level could be high due to the bad sample that was taken (red blood cells in the sample was broken) or if the re-test shows that the potassium level is still high, I will need to be admitted. I really got a scare and rushed down to the hospital in a cab.
Cut the story short. I cleared the re-test and ECG. Phew! I though since I was already in the hospital, I asked for a copy of the blood report, hoping that my tumor marker will show reduction. The bad news is that the tumor marker has increased from 318 (in the 2nd cycle) to 376 (higher than the first cycle). I was worried and diasppointed and didn't discuss with the MO. Not sure if my body system has become smarter and building resistance against the drug???
Was quite moody when I reached home. Coupled with my gal's illness (she has been having stomach bloatedness since Sunday night and vomited on Monday morning), it really made me feel lousy. I have been telling myself that the CT scan is a more accurate test and not to scare myself. Will have to wait till next Tuesday to get the result from the oncologist.
I manged to perk myself to go out for lunch appointment with my colleagues and after that, had tea with my long time girlfriends. This helped to brighten my day a bit. Also, hubby checked with his colleague and told me that it is usual that the tumor marker may yo-yo a bit. This calms me a little.
When I reached home after the temple prayer, I saw a christmas hamper from my ex-colleague in HSBC. It is very thoughtful of them to think of me. I also received a parcel from a ex-secretary, cheering me up. This really brighten me up and felt blessed.
Before I start writing this blog, I checked out my friend's hubby website and looked at the nice wedding pictures that he has taken. It is really nice and heartwarming. Anybody who needs a wedding photographer should look for him! (free advertisement for you, Yu Hsin) For a moment, I am telling myself again that I am going to fight and win this battle and I am going to witness the wedding for both of my kids.
Christmas is just round the corner. Kids will be sleeping over at a relative's house tomorrow. I will get to have some quiet time with hubby. Here wishing all my friends out there a merry merry and joyous christmas!
Yesterday morning I went for my CT scan and blood test at NCC. In the afternoon, I received a call from the hospital that my potassium level (which is related to heart) was too high. So, I need to go back to the hospital for re-test and do ECG. The doctor (initially I didn't know that I was speaking to a doctor as he did not identify himself) explained that the potassium level could be high due to the bad sample that was taken (red blood cells in the sample was broken) or if the re-test shows that the potassium level is still high, I will need to be admitted. I really got a scare and rushed down to the hospital in a cab.
Cut the story short. I cleared the re-test and ECG. Phew! I though since I was already in the hospital, I asked for a copy of the blood report, hoping that my tumor marker will show reduction. The bad news is that the tumor marker has increased from 318 (in the 2nd cycle) to 376 (higher than the first cycle). I was worried and diasppointed and didn't discuss with the MO. Not sure if my body system has become smarter and building resistance against the drug???
Was quite moody when I reached home. Coupled with my gal's illness (she has been having stomach bloatedness since Sunday night and vomited on Monday morning), it really made me feel lousy. I have been telling myself that the CT scan is a more accurate test and not to scare myself. Will have to wait till next Tuesday to get the result from the oncologist.
I manged to perk myself to go out for lunch appointment with my colleagues and after that, had tea with my long time girlfriends. This helped to brighten my day a bit. Also, hubby checked with his colleague and told me that it is usual that the tumor marker may yo-yo a bit. This calms me a little.
When I reached home after the temple prayer, I saw a christmas hamper from my ex-colleague in HSBC. It is very thoughtful of them to think of me. I also received a parcel from a ex-secretary, cheering me up. This really brighten me up and felt blessed.
Before I start writing this blog, I checked out my friend's hubby website and looked at the nice wedding pictures that he has taken. It is really nice and heartwarming. Anybody who needs a wedding photographer should look for him! (free advertisement for you, Yu Hsin) For a moment, I am telling myself again that I am going to fight and win this battle and I am going to witness the wedding for both of my kids.
Christmas is just round the corner. Kids will be sleeping over at a relative's house tomorrow. I will get to have some quiet time with hubby. Here wishing all my friends out there a merry merry and joyous christmas!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
3rd cycle
14 December, Sunday
I had my chemo treatment yesterday. This is my 6th chemo treatment and will complete the 3rd cycle of treatment. So far progressing quite well. However, I realise that I have reduced my liking for fish. Just last night, I barely had a few mouth of fish and don't feel like eating the fish any more. So, I end up eating cabbage for dinner. Probably my change of diet has to do with my stomach bloatedness. Been having this problems for weeks and even with the medication from the oncologist doesn't help much. The chinese medicine helps a little, but it seems like the bloatedness tend to return at night or near meal times and this will affect my appetite. So, I end up taking some snacks in between.
I also started to feel cough, throat infection and running nose symptoms (itchy nose and sneezing) coming yesterday morning. Was a little bit concern if my white blood cells will flare up and I can't have my chemo treatment yesterday. Luckily, the white blood cells was only out of range a little and I could continue with my chemo treatment. After that, I went to see the chinese sinseh, to get my body back in shape. Feel a little better this morning, after the change of prescription from the sinseh. I think she is really GOOD.
Kids are still not well. Angeline is progressing, although she still has some cough. But now is her brother's turn to be sick. He has fever on Thursday and Saturday, coughing for the last few days and start to have running/blocked nose last night. He was still active yesterday, but seem to be more tired this morning. Still has not woke up yet, as usually he will be awake by 8am+. Looks like his body is telling him to rest. Hope both of them get well soon.
I had my chemo treatment yesterday. This is my 6th chemo treatment and will complete the 3rd cycle of treatment. So far progressing quite well. However, I realise that I have reduced my liking for fish. Just last night, I barely had a few mouth of fish and don't feel like eating the fish any more. So, I end up eating cabbage for dinner. Probably my change of diet has to do with my stomach bloatedness. Been having this problems for weeks and even with the medication from the oncologist doesn't help much. The chinese medicine helps a little, but it seems like the bloatedness tend to return at night or near meal times and this will affect my appetite. So, I end up taking some snacks in between.
I also started to feel cough, throat infection and running nose symptoms (itchy nose and sneezing) coming yesterday morning. Was a little bit concern if my white blood cells will flare up and I can't have my chemo treatment yesterday. Luckily, the white blood cells was only out of range a little and I could continue with my chemo treatment. After that, I went to see the chinese sinseh, to get my body back in shape. Feel a little better this morning, after the change of prescription from the sinseh. I think she is really GOOD.
Kids are still not well. Angeline is progressing, although she still has some cough. But now is her brother's turn to be sick. He has fever on Thursday and Saturday, coughing for the last few days and start to have running/blocked nose last night. He was still active yesterday, but seem to be more tired this morning. Still has not woke up yet, as usually he will be awake by 8am+. Looks like his body is telling him to rest. Hope both of them get well soon.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Rollercoaster
11 December, Thursday
Went to see my chinese sinseh on last Tuesday. Thanks to Lee Chiang for being there with me. The chinese sinseh explained that the tumor marker may not have dropped as much as the previous cycle, it could be that the cancer cells are building resistance against the medicine. Nonetheless, since there was still some decline, it means that the drug is still working well on me. I would need to closely monitor that should the tumor marker increase, may have to discuss with the oncologist to change the medication. The best indicator will still be the CT Scan on 22 Dec 08, as that would determine the progress internally. Fingers crossed.
My weight is also on a rollercoaster ride. I noted that my weight has increased about 1-2kg over the last month. However, in the last few days, it has dropped back to almost 65kg. Still a little better than before I started the chemo treatment. The weight drop could be due to the stomach bloatedness, which somewhat affect my appetite. I have been telling myslef that no matter what, must still eat some food to sustain the energy.
Went to see my chinese sinseh on last Tuesday. Thanks to Lee Chiang for being there with me. The chinese sinseh explained that the tumor marker may not have dropped as much as the previous cycle, it could be that the cancer cells are building resistance against the medicine. Nonetheless, since there was still some decline, it means that the drug is still working well on me. I would need to closely monitor that should the tumor marker increase, may have to discuss with the oncologist to change the medication. The best indicator will still be the CT Scan on 22 Dec 08, as that would determine the progress internally. Fingers crossed.
My weight is also on a rollercoaster ride. I noted that my weight has increased about 1-2kg over the last month. However, in the last few days, it has dropped back to almost 65kg. Still a little better than before I started the chemo treatment. The weight drop could be due to the stomach bloatedness, which somewhat affect my appetite. I have been telling myslef that no matter what, must still eat some food to sustain the energy.
A Mother's Worry
11 December 2008, Thursday
Children are still sick. Angeline's cough persisted and she had been to the doc 2nd time yesterday. She also poor appetite and start to vomit. Luckily her fever has subsided, but Alvin had the fever last night and he is also coughing. Must have been the cross infection that they get from each other, sleeping in the same room.
Fortunately, their fever are gone this morning. And the lucky thing is that both of them are still lively. If they are lethargic, I will be more worried.
Hope they can recover quickly and all I can do for them is pray for their good health. I can't be near them too much, as I am going to have my next chemo treatment on this Saturday. Sorry kids. I really want to hug and care a lot for both of you, but I can't do it now as if mum is sick, I will not be able to continue my treatment. Hope you understand.
Children are still sick. Angeline's cough persisted and she had been to the doc 2nd time yesterday. She also poor appetite and start to vomit. Luckily her fever has subsided, but Alvin had the fever last night and he is also coughing. Must have been the cross infection that they get from each other, sleeping in the same room.
Fortunately, their fever are gone this morning. And the lucky thing is that both of them are still lively. If they are lethargic, I will be more worried.
Hope they can recover quickly and all I can do for them is pray for their good health. I can't be near them too much, as I am going to have my next chemo treatment on this Saturday. Sorry kids. I really want to hug and care a lot for both of you, but I can't do it now as if mum is sick, I will not be able to continue my treatment. Hope you understand.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Results are out
6 December, Saturday
Today marks the start of the 3rd chemo cycle. The tumor marker results from the 2nd cycle showed that there was some improvement (from 355 to 318), not as dramatic as the first cycle, but at least there is some improvement which means that I am still responding to the medicine.
I will get to enjoy the Christmas week, as that is my rest week. Just need to a CT scan on 22 Dec (doc says don't need to PET scan). This is a more accurate test to show the progress of my internal health.
Today marks the start of the 3rd chemo cycle. The tumor marker results from the 2nd cycle showed that there was some improvement (from 355 to 318), not as dramatic as the first cycle, but at least there is some improvement which means that I am still responding to the medicine.
I will get to enjoy the Christmas week, as that is my rest week. Just need to a CT scan on 22 Dec (doc says don't need to PET scan). This is a more accurate test to show the progress of my internal health.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Awaiting
4 December, Thursday
I had my blood test this afternoon. The blood test results will be out on Saturday when I meet the oncologist again. This test will again check on my tumor marker, to see how I have progressed. Fingers cross that I will achieve same, if not better results than the 1st cycle.
Met quite a few people recently and I received positive feedback that I look good on the outside. It is true that I am ok on the outside, except with thinning hair. But, the big question is how the battle is going on within me? I guess with the positive outlook and support from family and friends, I will WIN this war.
Will look forward to the date with the doctor on this Sat. I must say that my oncologist is quite good. He is actually on reservist on weekdays and set up special clinic for his patients on Sat. He could have easily just push me to one of his team members. Kudo to Dr Toh!
Will keep all posted again when I receive the results.
I had my blood test this afternoon. The blood test results will be out on Saturday when I meet the oncologist again. This test will again check on my tumor marker, to see how I have progressed. Fingers cross that I will achieve same, if not better results than the 1st cycle.
Met quite a few people recently and I received positive feedback that I look good on the outside. It is true that I am ok on the outside, except with thinning hair. But, the big question is how the battle is going on within me? I guess with the positive outlook and support from family and friends, I will WIN this war.
Will look forward to the date with the doctor on this Sat. I must say that my oncologist is quite good. He is actually on reservist on weekdays and set up special clinic for his patients on Sat. He could have easily just push me to one of his team members. Kudo to Dr Toh!
Will keep all posted again when I receive the results.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Children are sick :-(
2 December, Tuesday
Both kids were coughing when we returned from the chalet on Sunday. Most probably my fault that I didn't get them to drink more water and the late nights that they had on Friday & Saturday didn't help. I am also the culprit for feeding them ice cream with chocolate milk on Friday.
Last evening, Angeline came to me and told me that she measured her temperature and she had a fever. I got a shock and measured her temperature again. She was right. Running a fever at 38 degree. We quickly gave her paracetamol, ice pack on her forehead and get her to sleep in the air-conditioned room.
At night, she recovered a bit, but still running a slight fever. I told her that she could not sleep with me and she was visibly upset. I felt bad about it, but no choice as I am going to start my 3rd chemo cycle on this Sat and can't afford to fall sick.
When I went to buy her cough medicine this morning in the clinic, there were many sick people (adults and kids). Must be the flu season now with rain and sunshine fighting for a space.
Really hope that the kids recover quickly.
Both kids were coughing when we returned from the chalet on Sunday. Most probably my fault that I didn't get them to drink more water and the late nights that they had on Friday & Saturday didn't help. I am also the culprit for feeding them ice cream with chocolate milk on Friday.
Last evening, Angeline came to me and told me that she measured her temperature and she had a fever. I got a shock and measured her temperature again. She was right. Running a fever at 38 degree. We quickly gave her paracetamol, ice pack on her forehead and get her to sleep in the air-conditioned room.
At night, she recovered a bit, but still running a slight fever. I told her that she could not sleep with me and she was visibly upset. I felt bad about it, but no choice as I am going to start my 3rd chemo cycle on this Sat and can't afford to fall sick.
When I went to buy her cough medicine this morning in the clinic, there were many sick people (adults and kids). Must be the flu season now with rain and sunshine fighting for a space.
Really hope that the kids recover quickly.
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