Before the trip

28 June 2009, Sunday

I promised to write before my qigong retreat, so here it is.

Seen the oncologist on last Friday, 26 June. The tumor marker had gone up from 172 to 193, some of the indicators for liver has also inched out of the normal range, although it is still aceeptable by my oncologist's standard. Told him that if I pressed on my liver, I can feel some pain. This seems like a repeat of the midway chemo treatment, a prelude that the medicine could be losing its effect. Nonetheless, the oncologist continued with the same treatment for the 5th cycle. Will do a PET scan after the 6th cycle. So, that is likely in Aug.

I developed a bad throat infection overnight on Thursday. So, the oncologist gave me a course of antibiotics. I also hurried to see my TCM doc. She also gave me a new set of medicine. It seems to work on Saturday, but it then develops into cough. As I am typing now, I ams still nursing my cough. Most likely catch it from my husband, who has been coughing for almost a month.

Maybe I had gone through a cycle of "downturn", knowing that the medicine may not be effective all the time; or perhaps, I am more mentally prepared this time; or I have been praying everyday for calmness and strength in the face of my illness, so that even if I receive unfavourable test results, I still maintain my calmness and composure.

Perhaps this qigong retreat that I am going alone is a journey that I need to undertake. I need to master the skill, so that I can use my own internal strength to heal my own illness. There will be some point in time that the western medicine may not work for me anymore. I need to depend on myself to heal myself. I sincerely pray that I can succeed in this trip and return safely back to Singapore on 13 Jul.

Ulcers and blister

15 Jun, 2009 Monday

The ulcers and blister are becoming a pain in the ass for me. Ok, not so much for the latter, as it comes one after another on my fingers. But the ulcers are really killing me. It started with 3 ulcers at one go. Then it healed and I had 1 week break. Another ulcer came and went and then another pop up. This time, when the latest addition has not recovered, I have 3 ulcers attack. Today, another new member just joined in. It is really pain, pain, pain!

Not sure if this is the outcome of my greediness. You see, now is the durian season. I cannot resist the temption, especially everytime when I go to the temple, I will definitely walk past this durain stall. So, on Saturday, I ate 3 seeds (actually 2.5, one is a mini size). And then guess what, the ulcers appear. :-(

Lesson learn: never touch durian again!

Update on qigong

11 Jun, 2009 Thursday

I had cleared the first step of the qigong last week. Hooray! Got 4 more steps to go. So, now into step 2.

I am in the progress of making plans to go to Lanzhou (somewhere near Sichuan) bet 29 Jun to 13 Jul, to learn the skill from the founding school. My TCM highly recommends that I should make a trip to the school, as it will help to expeditate in my learning curve. Also, since now my health condition is stabilised, it is good that I boost my immunity through my own internal strength. She thinks that there is very little that the western medicine can help in my illness, after my current treatment loses its effect. So, will have to depend on myself, rather than through external medication, to combat these naughty girls and boys who are misbehaving inside my body.

So, I will be away for 2 weeks. Don't miss me much. I will still continue to update my blog before my trip.

My boy has grown up!

11 June 2009, Thursday

Since last week, we decided to let my boy to go to his tuition class by himself, which is in the nearby Community Club, about 5-10 mins walk from home. Also, he has become the "escort" to ferry the sister to and fro from her class in the same location. He has not failed us yet. Good job, son! :-)

Looks like he has grown up and we need to let go for him to be more independent.

The other day, he was telling me that he always depended on me to help him with his schoolwork. So, I asked him, what if mum is no longer around? He said, then "mei mei" (Angeline) will help him with his work. Wonder where is my hubby's role in his schoolwork arena?

Missing in Action?

6 June, Saturday

Sorry for not updating my blog. Didn't realise that it has been a few weeks ago that I last updated.

Just got my blood tests results yesterday. The tumor marker has dropped from 188 to 172. Still a long way to go, but as long as it is going southwards, I can still continue with the same treatment. Some of the liver indicators and white blood cells are slightly out of range, but it is still acceptable. Yesterday, I didn't get to see Dr Toh. It was a registrar who seen me. I asked him how long would I need to continue on the current treatment, he said I would continue until it loses its effect, which can be detected through the tumor marker. I like this current treatment. It gives me more energy, although there are some minor side effects, such as blisters on my hand and fingers and mouth ulcers. These side effects are still bearable. :-)

Have been really busy lately, with kids now on school holidays. Have to think of activities to keep them occupied. I must say that they are quite obedient. Still willing to do work during the school holidays. Dig out my son's old kumon worksheets and they are willing to do it. Will need to work on my son's weak areas, such as English writing and comprehension and Chinese; and my daughter to get her to brush up her Chinese too.

We also went for a movie treat, Monsters vs Aliens. Quite a funny show. The kids enjoyed it and we had Swenzens after that. Luckily the kids didn't have cough after that. Otherwise, I will get the blame, as my kids have weak lungs as they tend to develop cough after eating cold stuff.

I am also into the qigong. Cleared the 1st step. 4 more steps to go and this is only just the beginning. According to those who return from the Chinese school, the teacher says that one must practice for 5 hours daily, so that it can cure the illness. Wow, this is like working, man!