18 October 2009, Sunday
It has been a long while that we are having a meal together as a family. Hubby has been working very late for the past weeks and sometimes, I hardly talk to him other than he asks me if my health condition is ok.
In the morning, hubby fetched us to the temple for the kids' activity in the temple and I stayed back to pray. The ambience is always very different from praying at home and time passes more quickly. My hubby left for his workplace and came back to pick us up.
We had lunch at Candele (hope I have got the right spelling). 2 pots of organic tea, pizza for kids, sandwich for me and pasta and stew for hubby. We also had a strawberry shortcake for dessert. Yummy!
I treasure moments like this. We usually eat homecooked food, as it is always the safer choice and my mother-in-law knows what are the dos and dont's for me. Her cooking is also good, but sometimes after a while, it gets a bit boring (must not let her know that I am "complaining"). I do like to go out occasionally and try out new food. Have not been to ION Orchard and Orchard Central and some other new malls on the street. Feel a bit mountain turtle. But I think, most importantly, is the moment that we share and the togetherness that I treasure the most.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Irony
18 October 2009, Sunday
Life is full of irony. When our health is in good shape, we take it for granted. Look at the number of smokers on the street, young and old, man and women and this includes the male relatives I have in my family. Luckily my hubby is not a smoker. If not, I would have kick him out!
Smoking is one of the cause for many types of cancers and other health problems, but smokers choose to ignore them. I always wonder why smokers burn their money and health away. If there is any smoker out there, please englighten me.
A relative of mine is suspected of having early stage of cervical cancer. But it is so preliminary that the doctor is not giving her any treatment. Only tell her to come back 6 weeks later. She did try the TCM doc whom I visited, but she does not take the medicine regularly. She told her mum that if the cancer really materialise, she will just commit suicide. I have told her that I am a living example of a cancer patient. She has not seen the worse yet. At the early stage and given that it is cervical cancer, she has very high survival rate, but she choose to ignore it.
Another relative is involved in a traffic accident and indirectly caused the deatth of a young girl (19 years old). He stubbornly insisted that he was not at fault. I told him, nonetheless, he had to be responsible for his rash act on the road. At the very least, he should offer prayer for the deceased, so that she can have an easier life in her next life. Till now, he still hasn't do it yet.
Not sure whether is it that I am getting old or what, I really cannot understand the mindset of the 20s. Did our parents have the same problems when we are in our 20s too?
Life is full of irony. When our health is in good shape, we take it for granted. Look at the number of smokers on the street, young and old, man and women and this includes the male relatives I have in my family. Luckily my hubby is not a smoker. If not, I would have kick him out!
Smoking is one of the cause for many types of cancers and other health problems, but smokers choose to ignore them. I always wonder why smokers burn their money and health away. If there is any smoker out there, please englighten me.
A relative of mine is suspected of having early stage of cervical cancer. But it is so preliminary that the doctor is not giving her any treatment. Only tell her to come back 6 weeks later. She did try the TCM doc whom I visited, but she does not take the medicine regularly. She told her mum that if the cancer really materialise, she will just commit suicide. I have told her that I am a living example of a cancer patient. She has not seen the worse yet. At the early stage and given that it is cervical cancer, she has very high survival rate, but she choose to ignore it.
Another relative is involved in a traffic accident and indirectly caused the deatth of a young girl (19 years old). He stubbornly insisted that he was not at fault. I told him, nonetheless, he had to be responsible for his rash act on the road. At the very least, he should offer prayer for the deceased, so that she can have an easier life in her next life. Till now, he still hasn't do it yet.
Not sure whether is it that I am getting old or what, I really cannot understand the mindset of the 20s. Did our parents have the same problems when we are in our 20s too?
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Birthday
17 October 2009, Saturday
13 more days and it's my birthday, which is also my mum's 1st year death anniversary. My next appointment is scheduled on this day as well, but I tell the doctor that I don't want to see him on my birthday. So, he brings it forward to 28 October. Well, he is really an obliging doctor!
So many things have happened in this year. I have gone through many health obstacles and "garang" act (going to China for 2 weeks all by myself). I am really counting my blessing that I am still alive and kicking and typing this blog.
My gal has offered to buy me sushi on my birthday. I told her that we can buy takeaway, which is cheaper. But, she says that I deserve to eat in a restaruant on my special day. Very sweet thought from her. My son is going to buy me a cake. But he is clueless what cake to buy. So, he shows me the brochure from one of the cake shops in Sun Plaza (the nearest shopping mall in my estate) and asks me to choose. But my silly son doesn't realise that all the cakes minimum size is 1.7kg. How can we finish so much??!!
My birthday wish is that I can continue to stay healthy and be able to type this message again same time next year. :-)
13 more days and it's my birthday, which is also my mum's 1st year death anniversary. My next appointment is scheduled on this day as well, but I tell the doctor that I don't want to see him on my birthday. So, he brings it forward to 28 October. Well, he is really an obliging doctor!
So many things have happened in this year. I have gone through many health obstacles and "garang" act (going to China for 2 weeks all by myself). I am really counting my blessing that I am still alive and kicking and typing this blog.
My gal has offered to buy me sushi on my birthday. I told her that we can buy takeaway, which is cheaper. But, she says that I deserve to eat in a restaruant on my special day. Very sweet thought from her. My son is going to buy me a cake. But he is clueless what cake to buy. So, he shows me the brochure from one of the cake shops in Sun Plaza (the nearest shopping mall in my estate) and asks me to choose. But my silly son doesn't realise that all the cakes minimum size is 1.7kg. How can we finish so much??!!
My birthday wish is that I can continue to stay healthy and be able to type this message again same time next year. :-)
Sunday, October 11, 2009
First year anniversary
12 October 2009, Monday
5 more days and I would have crossed the 1st year anniversary. The oncologist said that only 20% of bile duct cancer cross this line and many of them would have been either on wheel-chaired or bed-ridden. Hence, he is quite pleased with my results and I can walk into his clinic unaided.
My latest tumor marker has dropped from 255 (in Sep) to 159. Liver and kidney are still functioning well, although the liver shows some increase in the cell damage and I have some protein deficiency. I hope that the current cocktail of oral chemo drugs will work better and the tumor marker will continue to slide downwards, and not like the earlier treatment, where it drops quite a bit in the first cycle and then stagnant for awhile and bounce back up again. Fingers crossed
This one year has not been easy for me. But of course, there are other cancer patients who suffer much worse side effects than me. I am already very blessed that the cancer cells are still contained within the original spot in the bile duct, liver and lymph nodes and have not spread to the other major organs, given that bile duct cancer is a fast acting cancer. It is suspected that my lungs may also have been infected, but the doctor is still not sure at this point in time. Those new cancer cells discovered during the year are isolated in the liver. I am still "pregnant" with water retention. Doctor has given me water to pee. Not much results yet, but hope that it will work.
Last week, I was in the hospital to visit a friend's husband. He also has bile duct cancer. He had his liver cut in Feb 09, got better for a few months and there is a relapse. He has been hospitalised for 2 months already and the doctor told the family that chemo is out for him now. If his liver stop functioning, he will enter into coma and pass on in a couple of hours. It really sadden me, as we are having the same type of cancer. When he was first diagnosed, it was only in stage 1 and within months, things turn for the worse. I am really very blessed that I started on a higher baseline (stage 4) and still coping well for the time being. I must thank my religion for giving me the strength to carry on fighting this battle.
I also like to thank all my friends for their well wishes during this one year. I will continue fighting and not let the cancer cells have a good time. I have already beaten the odds of 1 to 5. I am targeting to be that 1 out of 20 who survive beyond 5 years from diagnosis.
5 more days and I would have crossed the 1st year anniversary. The oncologist said that only 20% of bile duct cancer cross this line and many of them would have been either on wheel-chaired or bed-ridden. Hence, he is quite pleased with my results and I can walk into his clinic unaided.
My latest tumor marker has dropped from 255 (in Sep) to 159. Liver and kidney are still functioning well, although the liver shows some increase in the cell damage and I have some protein deficiency. I hope that the current cocktail of oral chemo drugs will work better and the tumor marker will continue to slide downwards, and not like the earlier treatment, where it drops quite a bit in the first cycle and then stagnant for awhile and bounce back up again. Fingers crossed
This one year has not been easy for me. But of course, there are other cancer patients who suffer much worse side effects than me. I am already very blessed that the cancer cells are still contained within the original spot in the bile duct, liver and lymph nodes and have not spread to the other major organs, given that bile duct cancer is a fast acting cancer. It is suspected that my lungs may also have been infected, but the doctor is still not sure at this point in time. Those new cancer cells discovered during the year are isolated in the liver. I am still "pregnant" with water retention. Doctor has given me water to pee. Not much results yet, but hope that it will work.
Last week, I was in the hospital to visit a friend's husband. He also has bile duct cancer. He had his liver cut in Feb 09, got better for a few months and there is a relapse. He has been hospitalised for 2 months already and the doctor told the family that chemo is out for him now. If his liver stop functioning, he will enter into coma and pass on in a couple of hours. It really sadden me, as we are having the same type of cancer. When he was first diagnosed, it was only in stage 1 and within months, things turn for the worse. I am really very blessed that I started on a higher baseline (stage 4) and still coping well for the time being. I must thank my religion for giving me the strength to carry on fighting this battle.
I also like to thank all my friends for their well wishes during this one year. I will continue fighting and not let the cancer cells have a good time. I have already beaten the odds of 1 to 5. I am targeting to be that 1 out of 20 who survive beyond 5 years from diagnosis.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Rainy days
21 Sep, 2009 Monday
Just had another PET scan done last Thursday. That's my 6th done within a year. Test results were not wonderful.
The lymph nodes in the abdomen hasbecome more active, and there is water retention in the stomach. Likely a leakage from the liver. As such, I am having a lot of wind and water in my stomach. My stomach now swell like as though I am 5 months pregnant. It can be so bad at times that it affects my appetite and everytime I beat my tummy, I am beating a drum with the "pong pong' sound. The liver cancer mass has also grown, although the cancer activity has been stabilised. This had caused the compression of the organs in the stomach area and caused pain at the gastric point and it permeates through to the back bone. Now, I am on a stronger version of the morphine pill, at 12 hours interval. If I am a bit late, the pain will hit me. Now, I am like a drug addict, must take the painkiller punctually. There is also come cancer activity pickup at the right lung, which in anyway, has previously been reported, but this time there is cancer activity pickup.
The good news is that the cancer has not spread to my other organs, such as bone, stomach, spleen and kidney. Initially, I thought the back pain arises because the cancer has spread to the bone.
My oncologist looked at the computer image and thinks that it is not as bad as that being reported in the PET scan report. I am now back on oral chemo medication, a cocktail of a combination of my earlier cocktails. But the medication makes me tire easily. I will have to take a nap at least once in the day, and will be on bed by 10pm.
My TCM doc has a more pessimistic view. My pulse is weak. So, she added some stuff in my TCM medicine to boost me up.
I believe the rainy days are temporary and the sun will come up again, and perhaps with rainbow too. The pain will not always be there. I need to maintain calm and always have a positive mind. This is important ingredient for me to fight back. Otherwise, my immunity will be weak and the cancer cells will be popping champagne and grow their children and grandchildren. I am going to give them a good fight!
Just had another PET scan done last Thursday. That's my 6th done within a year. Test results were not wonderful.
The lymph nodes in the abdomen hasbecome more active, and there is water retention in the stomach. Likely a leakage from the liver. As such, I am having a lot of wind and water in my stomach. My stomach now swell like as though I am 5 months pregnant. It can be so bad at times that it affects my appetite and everytime I beat my tummy, I am beating a drum with the "pong pong' sound. The liver cancer mass has also grown, although the cancer activity has been stabilised. This had caused the compression of the organs in the stomach area and caused pain at the gastric point and it permeates through to the back bone. Now, I am on a stronger version of the morphine pill, at 12 hours interval. If I am a bit late, the pain will hit me. Now, I am like a drug addict, must take the painkiller punctually. There is also come cancer activity pickup at the right lung, which in anyway, has previously been reported, but this time there is cancer activity pickup.
The good news is that the cancer has not spread to my other organs, such as bone, stomach, spleen and kidney. Initially, I thought the back pain arises because the cancer has spread to the bone.
My oncologist looked at the computer image and thinks that it is not as bad as that being reported in the PET scan report. I am now back on oral chemo medication, a cocktail of a combination of my earlier cocktails. But the medication makes me tire easily. I will have to take a nap at least once in the day, and will be on bed by 10pm.
My TCM doc has a more pessimistic view. My pulse is weak. So, she added some stuff in my TCM medicine to boost me up.
I believe the rainy days are temporary and the sun will come up again, and perhaps with rainbow too. The pain will not always be there. I need to maintain calm and always have a positive mind. This is important ingredient for me to fight back. Otherwise, my immunity will be weak and the cancer cells will be popping champagne and grow their children and grandchildren. I am going to give them a good fight!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Chicken pox
30 August, 2009 Sunday
Angeline is coping well with her chicken pox episode. She does not feel lethargy. Only 1 or 2 episodes of fever. During the day, she would quietly do her painting, reading and her own stuff and did not disturb me. Of course, she feels alenated as she has to avoid physical contact from me. But otherwise she is ok. On 2 days, she actually put on a hair band and clean her toys. Well, she was duly rewarded by the grandmother.
Alvin has so far not show any sign of chicken pox yet. The doctor says that the incubation is 1-3 weeks. So, the verdict will be out soon.
Alvin has performed better in his CA2 exam, compared to 1st half of the year. He finally passed his Chineses main paper, scoring 53/75. A much improvement, as he has been failing it since the beginning of the year. Also, his English main paper has shown improvement, scoring 50.5/65. Really must thank the tutors' efforts for giving him extra lessons, and the tutors are very kind that they do not charge us extra for the additional classes. Maths paper is not back yet, but I am not worry as Maths has always been his strongest subject.
Angeline is coping well with her chicken pox episode. She does not feel lethargy. Only 1 or 2 episodes of fever. During the day, she would quietly do her painting, reading and her own stuff and did not disturb me. Of course, she feels alenated as she has to avoid physical contact from me. But otherwise she is ok. On 2 days, she actually put on a hair band and clean her toys. Well, she was duly rewarded by the grandmother.
Alvin has so far not show any sign of chicken pox yet. The doctor says that the incubation is 1-3 weeks. So, the verdict will be out soon.
Alvin has performed better in his CA2 exam, compared to 1st half of the year. He finally passed his Chineses main paper, scoring 53/75. A much improvement, as he has been failing it since the beginning of the year. Also, his English main paper has shown improvement, scoring 50.5/65. Really must thank the tutors' efforts for giving him extra lessons, and the tutors are very kind that they do not charge us extra for the additional classes. Maths paper is not back yet, but I am not worry as Maths has always been his strongest subject.
Life partner
30 August, 2009 Sunday
Many a times, we complain about our spouse and wish that we are not married and get into all this marital mess. If you asked me one year ago, I would have agreed totally. But now, my perspective has changed.
For the last 2 hospitalisation, I was glad that my hubby was with me and sent me to the hospital. Otherwise, not sure how to handle the kids at home, or I may have to go to hospital alone. Sure to feel lousy, as already in pain and no company. Luckily, Anthony was back from his business trip and was able to be there with me.
As we age, we need a pillar of strength. Our spouse is our pillar of strength. And of course, without him, I cannot have produce my lovely twins. When I was in the hospital, I witnessed old couple, usually the husband (since I was in the women's ward) will come to visit their wife daily without fail. It is so heart warming. We never know who will be the weaker half, but whatever it is, we need each other for the support. As we grow old, the children will leave us and lead their own life. It will be just you and your spouse, giving each other physical, mental and moral support. Do not underestimate this and think that it's ok, I have other friends and family members to support. The feeling is different.
So, ladies out there. Stop complaining about your husband and learn to appreciate the better part of him. Otherwise, we would not have marry them, right?
Many a times, we complain about our spouse and wish that we are not married and get into all this marital mess. If you asked me one year ago, I would have agreed totally. But now, my perspective has changed.
For the last 2 hospitalisation, I was glad that my hubby was with me and sent me to the hospital. Otherwise, not sure how to handle the kids at home, or I may have to go to hospital alone. Sure to feel lousy, as already in pain and no company. Luckily, Anthony was back from his business trip and was able to be there with me.
As we age, we need a pillar of strength. Our spouse is our pillar of strength. And of course, without him, I cannot have produce my lovely twins. When I was in the hospital, I witnessed old couple, usually the husband (since I was in the women's ward) will come to visit their wife daily without fail. It is so heart warming. We never know who will be the weaker half, but whatever it is, we need each other for the support. As we grow old, the children will leave us and lead their own life. It will be just you and your spouse, giving each other physical, mental and moral support. Do not underestimate this and think that it's ok, I have other friends and family members to support. The feeling is different.
So, ladies out there. Stop complaining about your husband and learn to appreciate the better part of him. Otherwise, we would not have marry them, right?
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